My midwife is more doctor-like than I would have liked her to be. When she visited me on day one, she spent a long time telling me that "you cannot spoil a newborn," to feed him as soon as he shows hunger cues, and that "crying is the last signal of hunger," so feed him before he cries. She also warned me about cluster feeding and how it would most likely be in the middle of the night and to just stick with it.
Julian had a beautiul latch. I could position that hospital bed to make myself comfortable and Julian did the rest of the work. I was in a state of bliss. The lactation consultant said she'd be out of a job if everyone was like us. Even the clustering wasn't too bad. I remember being slightly tired, but I thought it was from my long labor. I was happy about feeding on-demand and was surprised that my midwife suggested it, again since she is more western medicine focused.
Feeding was a disaster when we got home. I fed in our bed. It was dark so I couldn't see and Julian had a bad latch and that ruined things. I could nurse during the day, but night time was terrible. He wouldn't let me put him down. I believe the pack n play was cold. We put the diaper changer in bed with a blanket on it and that was too cold or something. I'm guessing the startle reflex played into it too, but I'll address that later. Even though he was swaddled and nursed to sleep, he wouldn't let me put him down except right next to me.
One of the early nights I fell asleep with him next to me and woke up screaming and crying, "Dan, I can't do this. I'm going roll over on him and kill him. I cannot live with that!" Dan calmed me. A lactation consultant and a friend gave me the same article that says the research shows that if a mother isn't drinking, smoking, or taking drugs, she will not smother her baby. I was at the end of my rope, so we tried it. I woke up to Julian latched on perfectly (no pain) 3 times for two nights in a row. It was as if God was saying, "this is ok". I haven't had that happen since then.
The first 3-4 weeks, Julian cluster fed from 10pm to 1am on the dot. I was going crazy and was so sore. Co-sleeping was good, but Julian was also feeding every 1.5 hours. If he fed for an hour, then that only left me with 30 min of sleep. I was exhausted and SORE! I finally sought help and two lactation consultants found that I had over supply, fast let down, and that Julian has tongue tie (see my previous post) and couldn't latch well. He thankfully gained weight, so he was getting enough milk.
After all those issues were worked out, I still felt I was going crazy with him feeding all the time, especially at night. I read the beginning of Babywise and was curious, though I didn't want to let him cry-it-out. What I heard from other moms is the EASY method. Have your baby Eat, keep them Awake, put them to Sleep, and then have You time. I couldn't imagine having Julian awake after eating because he always nursed to sleep. Well, I can say that over 50% of the time, we can now play after eating and then I have to take special time to rock him to sleep since he can't go to sleep on his own (the opposite of what Babywise suggests). They also say to do a 3 hour feeding routine so they can eat well and then sleep longer. I actually thought this was amazing. When he fussed, I would try to bounce him to hold off a feeding and I could actually go for 2.5-3 hours. He would feed for a long while then and sleep. I had 2 good nights after implementing this, but then he got bad gas.
Julian has always been gassy, so I went off dairy two weeks ago. I made the mistake of eating whole wheat pasta two nights in a row and it ruined his nights. He was in so much pain that he screamed and wasn't even consoled by nursing. We bought gas drops which were horrible. They made him spit up all the time, so he'd nurse and then spit it all up and want to nurse again. Luckily, I found the perfect position for him to not cry while pooping! I sit reclined with my knees up. His head is by my knees and his feet are by my chest and he can poop without crying. It is our daily routine as soon as we see gas signals and it's great!
When we tried starting this routine, we were actually putting him the pack n play also. He actually went down well if I took his large swaddle blanket and wrapped him tightly. That sneaker would get his arms free and then wake up and all was lost until I nursed him, rocked him, and got him swaddled and back to sleep. Friends and moms from the new mom's group that I attended raved about the velcro swaddlers. We bought some and Julian HATED them. We had two bad nights of him screaming while swaddled. I though I must be doing something wrong, so we brought him back to bed. Then I found out that if I keep his feet free (not velcroing the middle portion), he does great! So that's where we are.
At 7 weeks and 4 days, Julian is swaddled in the velcro, but his legs are free. He is sleeping in our bed, though I think I can get him back in the pack n play now that I figured out the velcro swaddler. I can extend most of his feedings for 3 hours, but sometimes not, but my doctor said that is ok for growth spurts (which he is growing like a weed). He cluster feeds at 5pm now which is much better than 10pm. He slept 4 hours, 3 hours, and 4 hours again last night and I was so thankful for a great night's rest. We all needed it. I'm not holding my breath that this is a routine, but I'm glad that God is guiding us and giving us wisdom, GRACE, and PATIENCE to raise him.
So, attachment parenting vs a schedule? I find both are great and that you have to adapt to your baby's personality and needs (Julian is a high needs baby) and the mother's sanity. There is a contradiction for everything out there, so find what works for you. I wish it were more black and white. I was encouraged when talking to a friend of two kids when she stated how different her two were with sleeping and feeding. There is no manual, but God gives us the strength to get through it. His burden is easy and yoke is light. He equips me for every good work so I can do his will and bring glory to him. He'll never leave me or forsake me. I hold onto all these verses and have peace that surpasses all understanding even if Julian is fussy or crying and I can't console him.
Prayers:
- that I could get him on a schedule where we sleep more at night
- that he'd sleep more during the day. He's overtired and sometimes will not sleep.
- that we'd raise him to glorify God and believe in Jesus. We want him to love God with all his heart, soul, and might and to know God's great LOVE for him and the GRACE of Jesus.
I agree that both are good for us! I laughed when I reread this post. I think my brain is functioing at a 3rd grade level.
ReplyDeleteYes, singing is awesome! I sang all the time while I was pregnant, so he likes it most times. He loves our paintings on the wall too. Bright sun light in the window helps him close his eyes and go to sleep. Loud noises (crowds especially) put him in an unarousable coma. We're learning slowly but surely.
As for me calling him "high needs", he's not that difficult, I just don't know how to parent, but again, we're getting there.